i think im going crazy.
i may appear normal to all of you guys, but i think im crumbling down. BIG time.
omg. i cant allow myself to do that. i must be positive. but i just dont know why my thoughts keep straying to the dark side. and then, i'll just feel like crying, and most of the time, i do.
i think im like a bomb. but a special one. it doesnt go off all at once, but it just takes a small spark to ignite me and i will explode. but i dont know why is it that fuel or whatever that is is creeps into me yet again and soon another spark will cause me to explode again.
i cant have this happening to me. i AM NOT LIKE THIS! i used to be a long-lasting bomb. which could last for a long long time without exploding. but what on earth is happening to me? why am i becoming like this?
the only explaination is that im going crazy. no other reason right? there can be no other reason why im having kind of a split personality. i cant deal with homework, and even when i think i can, i end up getting LOUSY results.
even for those kind of subjects which i should score, like chemistry and english and lit, i DONT get as good results as i should get.
and when i try to improve, problems just keep coping up and i have so many things on my mind that i have to deal with at one time! i have to haggle with so many different things and i have to concentrate and put a great deal of effort into all of them!
i try and try and try, but i keep on failing and failing.
you cant blame me if there ARE sometimes i feel upset or whatever at a small thing. it's just because everything comes in at one time! and im not a superhero. i cant handle so many things at once. and i dont think superheros ever had problems with their studies while juggling the task of saving the world. thats why superheros are acknowledged and respected by the whole world, whilst im not.
cuz im not a superhero. so please dont put too much stress on me. i think i cant handle anything more.
no. i shouldnt say that. i MUST be strong. cuz i've always been. and now it shouldnt change just like that. i should PERSEVERE on. and i'll come out of the crisis stronger than i ever was before. and, maybe then, i'll be a superhero. maybe. but for now, im just me who's trying very very hard. in all aspects of my life. and swallowing the tears, not wanting everyone to see my weakness. so please, please try to accept me for who i am, and at least try to know what im going through. im not the yf in sec2. ive grown up and matured. but, i think im still me.
