depressed. im really depressed now.
was fine in the morning. but became very depressed.
why doesnt anybody like me? why dont i have a best friend? if everyone could only choose one best friend, nobody would choose me. why? is it because ive done something wrong to cause so many people to dislike me? i have tried my best to change. am i still that bad? i feel so inferior to all my friends. im not as pretty, clever, funny, popular as them. im not good at anything special. i have really really tried my best to improve myself. and why are there still so many people hating me? wherever i go, i feel a radiation of dislike from them. from all of them. why? like huimin. i know she likes qp better, but i dont blame her. i blame myself for not being a better friend. qp is close to me, but closer to huimin. weini blows hot and cold at me. makes me feel so insecure. i used to be able to tell jia wei everything, but now it seems like we're getting further apart. jane can be considered my new found friend. but sometimes i feel invisible. yumei probably thinks im childish and very lame. swu san is okay, but i feel she doesnt really like me too. the others? well, i consider these friends to be my closest friends but i dont think they think so themselves. am i really that bad a friend? not only my friends dont like me, teachers dont too. vlee doesnt like me for example. and it seems all the teachers like qp better. am i really that detestable? vlee likes her better even though she also knows tayyi. chiam likes her better. jian kai likes her better. everyone likes her better. in class, level, or none. everyone likes qp. but no one likes me. no one would choose me over qp. sometimes im really jealous of qp. before she appeared, my eyes were the biggest. now she is. before vlee knew her, i was his favourite student. now is qp. i hate being reaplaced by other people. but now i am. everyday, everyone, everytime. im really so sad. maybe im really that bad. maybe everyone really dislikes me very much but they dont dare to say. most probably its true. maybe i should just kill myself. im just wasting the air i breathe on earth. im really so useless. the end.
